Sweet Streams are Made of These
My friend Ben has a really witty stream of consciousness writing style on his blog, and I think as an exercise in creative writing I'll try it myself.
When I was a kid, I had a diary that my mom gave me. It had a little lock and key and everything. I used to feel pressure to write secrets in it and then hide it furtively because I was convinced my mom or someone would read it. I wrote about 4 entries in it and got bored. Now that I have a blog, I don't exactly write secrets, but its a lot more like a diary than that old book. And I not only want people to read it, but post their thoughts about it too. A lack of comments means I'm probably not that interesting of a writer.
I went to the grocery store the other day and there's a big sign at the fish counter that has a huge warning for women about the mercury levels in fish. It warned pregnant women and women trying to get pregnant that they shouldn't eat so much fish. Sushi is also just out of the question when you're pregnant. And I thought "Why do I have to avoid the fish as a woman? Its not my fault that the fish are poisoned with mercury. Why don't THEY stop putting mercury in the fish?" I think its a conspiracy by the cattle and poultry lobbyists to prevent Americans from eating fish. I mean look at the Japanese...they eat fish constantly and they live to be 114 years old on a regular basis. Most Americans wouldn't kill themselves by putting down the hamburger and picking up a tuna steak.
The whole paranoid attitude about pregnancy in America confuses the heck out of me, too. Do French women not eat Brie when carrying a bun in the oven? Buns and brie are delicious. Do the Japanese not eat sushi? Do women in India not eat spicy curries? And when it comes to giving birth, there are like 6 billion people in Africa being born every minute and I doubt most of them are preoccupied by choosing between the birthing bathtub or the birth sling. They go into a hut, have a baby, and go back to work in the fields. I'm sure happy to have the best medical care in most of the world living here in America, don't get me wrong, but maybe we're all just a little TOO influenced by all these "Experts" who make a lot of money telling other people what they should be afraid of. No one wants to be told that they're doing something wrong, especially when it comes to kids, so its a huge industry I'm sure. Me? Well I'm not pregnant or planning on it anytime soon but I have this horrible feeling I'm going to be a rebellious pregnant mom. I mean, if I eat sushi nearly every week and don't get parasites, I should be alright having a nibble of yellowtail now and then when I have a wee little bump going on.
I just don't understand going to bars to meet people. I tried this last night as sort of an experiment. And there were men everywhere but none I really wanted to talk to. I'm so out of practice talking to random guys that I don't know how to politely decline conversation. I find myself talking to someone I really don't want to talk to, and rather than say something like "Well it was nice meeting you, have a nice evening" and moving on, I start acting weirder and weirder until the guy walks away. Last night I was cornered by this guy I really didn't want to talk to, so I started twitching a little...slightly at first, then more and more obviously. I peeled all the labels off my beer and tore them into identical sized squares. I avoided eye contact and responded to questions several seconds after it would have been appropriate. But it only made this guy more interested...he said I was "Eccentric". I even insulted Nascar (it was a country-western club...I thought I'd be carried out of there if I said that). Nothing. I finally told him I was a fan of the Yankees. "Oh, forget about you!" he said and walked away.
When I was a kid, I had a diary that my mom gave me. It had a little lock and key and everything. I used to feel pressure to write secrets in it and then hide it furtively because I was convinced my mom or someone would read it. I wrote about 4 entries in it and got bored. Now that I have a blog, I don't exactly write secrets, but its a lot more like a diary than that old book. And I not only want people to read it, but post their thoughts about it too. A lack of comments means I'm probably not that interesting of a writer.
I went to the grocery store the other day and there's a big sign at the fish counter that has a huge warning for women about the mercury levels in fish. It warned pregnant women and women trying to get pregnant that they shouldn't eat so much fish. Sushi is also just out of the question when you're pregnant. And I thought "Why do I have to avoid the fish as a woman? Its not my fault that the fish are poisoned with mercury. Why don't THEY stop putting mercury in the fish?" I think its a conspiracy by the cattle and poultry lobbyists to prevent Americans from eating fish. I mean look at the Japanese...they eat fish constantly and they live to be 114 years old on a regular basis. Most Americans wouldn't kill themselves by putting down the hamburger and picking up a tuna steak.
The whole paranoid attitude about pregnancy in America confuses the heck out of me, too. Do French women not eat Brie when carrying a bun in the oven? Buns and brie are delicious. Do the Japanese not eat sushi? Do women in India not eat spicy curries? And when it comes to giving birth, there are like 6 billion people in Africa being born every minute and I doubt most of them are preoccupied by choosing between the birthing bathtub or the birth sling. They go into a hut, have a baby, and go back to work in the fields. I'm sure happy to have the best medical care in most of the world living here in America, don't get me wrong, but maybe we're all just a little TOO influenced by all these "Experts" who make a lot of money telling other people what they should be afraid of. No one wants to be told that they're doing something wrong, especially when it comes to kids, so its a huge industry I'm sure. Me? Well I'm not pregnant or planning on it anytime soon but I have this horrible feeling I'm going to be a rebellious pregnant mom. I mean, if I eat sushi nearly every week and don't get parasites, I should be alright having a nibble of yellowtail now and then when I have a wee little bump going on.
I just don't understand going to bars to meet people. I tried this last night as sort of an experiment. And there were men everywhere but none I really wanted to talk to. I'm so out of practice talking to random guys that I don't know how to politely decline conversation. I find myself talking to someone I really don't want to talk to, and rather than say something like "Well it was nice meeting you, have a nice evening" and moving on, I start acting weirder and weirder until the guy walks away. Last night I was cornered by this guy I really didn't want to talk to, so I started twitching a little...slightly at first, then more and more obviously. I peeled all the labels off my beer and tore them into identical sized squares. I avoided eye contact and responded to questions several seconds after it would have been appropriate. But it only made this guy more interested...he said I was "Eccentric". I even insulted Nascar (it was a country-western club...I thought I'd be carried out of there if I said that). Nothing. I finally told him I was a fan of the Yankees. "Oh, forget about you!" he said and walked away.
posted by The Semi-Pro Chef at Saturday, August 06, 2005
1 Comments:
Ok, first off the lack of comments don’t mean shit especially not that you’re not an interesting writer – just visit some of those overly numerous bogus “talkin’bout sex that I had last night with someone that I don’t know” blogs and you’ll see major comments and they write crap! Ah, not that I really go visit those type of… well, never mind. Second, hmmmm, seemed to have lost my train of thought but I think that I can remember to say that I really liked this last post of yours – keep up the good work!
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