To The Max, and Other Random Observations
I've had a guest in my home for the past few days, visiting me from North Carolina by way of NJ. We've had some California style fun but the sudden influx of new plant life has left him a little sniffly. I handed him some decongestant today and noticed the package declared its potency to be of "maximum strength". I wondered, does that mean that somewhere out there we have decongestant of minumum strength? I then expanded this wonderment to all the products we purchase that boast that their strength is of maximum power. Maximum strength detergent, maximum strength paper towels. I want to buy some antibacterial soap of minimum strength. I'd like it to kill some of the bacteria, but leave enough behind to be fair. Perhaps they wouldn't be so tempted to mutate if I was nice enough to allow a few of them to live.
Tide pools are pretty dramatic ecosystems. There's a lot of high-stakes action going on in those little puddles. I've come to the conclusion that anenomes are ruthless bullies. Those pretty, flowery tentacles are really hideous harpoon-laden food seekers. Anenomes will eat a sardine in about five seconds. They will not, however, eat a sea slug. They spit those guys right back out. I guess for a shell-less, soft-bodied, slow-moving organism, that's a pretty spectacular defense. The anenome got all excited: "Alright! Huge, fleshy dinnertime!" and then literally it just went "Pa-toooey!" Rapid slug ejection. The slug seemed unfazed and went about its slow crawl.
Why is it when I go fishing, I never catch any? I went on yet another fishing trip today. It was cold, windy, and the sea was murky with the red tide. But once we found clear water, it appeared that everyone was catching fish left and right. Two huge halibut were caught, as well as a bunch of ling cod, rock bass, and striped bass. All I got was another annoying mackerel. David caught nothing, though, so I guess I shouldn't complain so darn much. But I think the addage that women are bad luck on boats may be true. I am not a lucky fisherman. Nor am I lucky at cards or love. I should play the lottery!
Tide pools are pretty dramatic ecosystems. There's a lot of high-stakes action going on in those little puddles. I've come to the conclusion that anenomes are ruthless bullies. Those pretty, flowery tentacles are really hideous harpoon-laden food seekers. Anenomes will eat a sardine in about five seconds. They will not, however, eat a sea slug. They spit those guys right back out. I guess for a shell-less, soft-bodied, slow-moving organism, that's a pretty spectacular defense. The anenome got all excited: "Alright! Huge, fleshy dinnertime!" and then literally it just went "Pa-toooey!" Rapid slug ejection. The slug seemed unfazed and went about its slow crawl.
Why is it when I go fishing, I never catch any? I went on yet another fishing trip today. It was cold, windy, and the sea was murky with the red tide. But once we found clear water, it appeared that everyone was catching fish left and right. Two huge halibut were caught, as well as a bunch of ling cod, rock bass, and striped bass. All I got was another annoying mackerel. David caught nothing, though, so I guess I shouldn't complain so darn much. But I think the addage that women are bad luck on boats may be true. I am not a lucky fisherman. Nor am I lucky at cards or love. I should play the lottery!
posted by The Semi-Pro Chef at Sunday, August 21, 2005
1 Comments:
Ah, as to be so lucky as to be lucky in love!
There is no such thing as women being bad luck on boats! That is just a prefabricated myth created by men so that they can go out and swill beer without recrimination or guilt.
Oh to be so lucky in life as to be a spit out sea slug!
And ya know? The gene pool is shallow all over the place, just look at my neighborhood or the mating bars in any financial district!
Luck be a lady tonight…
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