Bitter Herbs
I could type something intensely personal here, something kind of hurtful, and something that sort of shook me up a bit last night. But I won't, because I'm not ready to openly mention that yet. Let's just say...I went to someone close to me and mentioned that something that has me very sad is the lack of true friends I have in my life. This person was a shoulder to lean on, and told me I could always go to them with my problems. A true friend. And then I'm let down again, by that one person who I went to, who seemed to want my trust and my confidence. But its lost, and you know what...that's pretty sad. Because this person has made a decision that I will try to not begrudge, but one that I'm faced with on a daily basis, and one that will require steely resolve and exquisite grace to overcome.
I'm assisting a good friend of mine right now with some hurt that he is going through. While I don't feel qualified to be counseling this person on the issues that he faces, I am glad that he feels God in me enough that he trusts my judgement and my advice. I realized in the past few days that life is not just ups and downs. Its a series of build ups and let downs. Your faith in someone, or your excitement about a new job, or the anticipation of a first date - all build ups. Someone breaks your trust, or the job turns sour, or the date is a boor - all let downs. How you cope and deal with them is where you find the balance. Lately, when I step back from it all and consider the situations I'm in, or that I am helping others through, I can see God working in it. He's actually been pretty obvious to me lately. I think He sat next to me on the airplane flying to NJ, as a matter of fact.
Someone at work today asked me if I was religious. He claimed to be as "religios as a paper clip". Those comments used to intimidate me, like is someone going to judge me if I then reply that I am faithful? Mayhaps at the time, I wasn't as faithful as I could have been. But today it was natural to respond "Actually, I am a Christian, and it is important to me to have that faith." I don't prostelytize, but I will talk about it, because when you feel the love, its natural to want to share it.
And I do feel the love. I have a lot of love inside me. I also have a lot of hurt, a lot of old wounds that continue to be bled fresh. Well, maybe that's what I need to heal. *Sigh*. Sorry to be so emo lately. Just been a rough couple of days.
And don't worry. I'm not really an alcoholic anorexic, as a concerned friend who called me tonight feared. I'm just being dramatic. Its my blog, I'll flop my emotions around if I want to.
I'm assisting a good friend of mine right now with some hurt that he is going through. While I don't feel qualified to be counseling this person on the issues that he faces, I am glad that he feels God in me enough that he trusts my judgement and my advice. I realized in the past few days that life is not just ups and downs. Its a series of build ups and let downs. Your faith in someone, or your excitement about a new job, or the anticipation of a first date - all build ups. Someone breaks your trust, or the job turns sour, or the date is a boor - all let downs. How you cope and deal with them is where you find the balance. Lately, when I step back from it all and consider the situations I'm in, or that I am helping others through, I can see God working in it. He's actually been pretty obvious to me lately. I think He sat next to me on the airplane flying to NJ, as a matter of fact.
Someone at work today asked me if I was religious. He claimed to be as "religios as a paper clip". Those comments used to intimidate me, like is someone going to judge me if I then reply that I am faithful? Mayhaps at the time, I wasn't as faithful as I could have been. But today it was natural to respond "Actually, I am a Christian, and it is important to me to have that faith." I don't prostelytize, but I will talk about it, because when you feel the love, its natural to want to share it.
And I do feel the love. I have a lot of love inside me. I also have a lot of hurt, a lot of old wounds that continue to be bled fresh. Well, maybe that's what I need to heal. *Sigh*. Sorry to be so emo lately. Just been a rough couple of days.
And don't worry. I'm not really an alcoholic anorexic, as a concerned friend who called me tonight feared. I'm just being dramatic. Its my blog, I'll flop my emotions around if I want to.
posted by The Semi-Pro Chef at Thursday, November 10, 2005
2 Comments:
Try doing things without expectations. Our let downs directly relate to what we “thought” was suppose to happen as opposed to the reality of the situation, and then whether we want them or not, especially if things did not go our way, there tends to be hurt feelings that turn into resentments that then make us have preconceived ideas about the ways that we should deal with things and it all becomes a vicious circle of our own making!
No expectations and the acceptance of others where the two key elements that I had to incorporate into my life so that I could finally be free to live without casting judgment and trying to control what just isn’t controllable!
Of course you can go ahead and ignore everything that I’ve suggested and continue on with your life just as it is – after all what do I really know? But as an actual ex-drug addict/alcoholic as well as a former practitioner of anorexic/bulimic behaviors I think that my life now is so much more rewarding that I can’t help but want the same for you too - if that makes any sense at all?
I think killing plants in their prime and eating their reproductive organs is much worse than eating meat. Animals have brains, they're just to dumb to use them while plants don't have anything like that and thus, we must protect the plants. Go carnivore!
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