A Meme, Plus Drama of my Neighborhood!

Suzanne Meme as inspired by so many others.
Suzanne needs...to know the group.
Suzanne needs...more than the traditional basic speech.
Suzanne needs...hundreds of dollars worth of dental work.
Suzanne needs...to make changes in letters.
Suzanne needs...a new gynocologist.
Suzanne needs...to be in the papers again.
Suzanne needs...to accept personal accountability for her errors.
Suzanne needs...Howard Rebecca Nicholson
Suzanne needs...to watch it.
Suzanne needs...to speak with her management to let them know how she feels.
Suzanne needs...psychiatric help.
Suzanne needs...to delegate.
Suzanne needs...more surgery.
Suzanne needs...to get dressed.
Suzanne needs...both select and update permissions.
Suzanne needs...the continued help.
Suzanne needs...help and the last person she expects to help her is the Mayor himself.

Fromage, you'll appreciate this one. I'm writing this post as a police helicopter makes its 34th circle around my apartment complex with the searchlight on. That loud drone has inspired me to write about some goings-on in my very own apartment complex. See folks, I don't own a television. Life outside my window is just good enough. Consider:

Monday morning, late into work. Was laying in bed watching a French murder mystery. I heard blood-curdling, dramatic screaming - the kind you hear in murder mystery movies when the protagonist discovers the body. I mute the movie and I realize that the screaming is coming from right outside my apartment. I look out my French windows into the courtyard and see clothing, bed sheets, a pillow, some shoes and some other personal effects scattered in the grass outside the open window of the ground-floor apartment across the yard. My neighbors, two female roommates around my age, each with a child, were shrieking and screaming at each other. At first I thought something horrible had happened, what with how dramatic the screaming was. I thought a body was floating in a bathtub or something. But they were just having a "domestic dispute", screaming abou killing themselves, each other, all kinds of rubbish. I was going to just ignore it (and be mildly amused) but then I saw in the window two very terrified little children. So I phone the cops and then got the heck out of there.

My immediate next-door neighbors are a sweet older couple, but we got off on the wrong foot. The weekend they moved in, three ceramic pots with living plants disappeared off our shared porch. I asked them where they went, and they denied their very existence. Interesting. They also broke my bamboo shade when I fought taking it down (they said it "blocked the wind" from coming into their apartment...through their closed door. I had it up to block the afternoon sun.) They also requested, not politely, for me to move my bicycle. I did all this. A month later, I came back from a hike and put my dirty shoes on the porch. Within hours they had disappeared. Again, they denied their very existence when I inquired, and then called the cops on me to file a complaint of harassment. !!! I had talkd to them twice, maybe, and now the cops have on file that I'm a harasser. Lately we've been polite, but its still tense.

These same neighbors angrily (and possibly drunkedly) confronted another tenant about his parking spot. Its well known that this tenant pays $25 a month to park in an off-street parking spot. However, when screaming girls moved in, they started parking their cars in his spot. He came home from work one day and nicely asked them to move. They got fresh and so some words were exchanged, but he placated the situation and was able to park in his spot. The next day, my neighbors (the suspiciously-missing pot-snatchers) took it upon themselves to confront him and try to start a physical fight over this parking spot. It seems the screamers are the daughters of my neighbors. Its so Melrose Place. The male tenant isn't one to just take people getting all up in his shit, though, so he charged right back and it could have been a real fracas had they not done the smart thing and realized he was a lot stronger and younger than they were, and they were really no match for him. Plus they were expensing a lot of energy cursing up a blue storm. Plus they were holding a small child.

This same male neighbor...is my ex. Yes, he lives in the same apartment complex. We also work together. We dated for 3 years, roughly. He should be moving out...soon. He's got a new girlfriend, or something or other, whatever. And lets just politely say I see this person also on a daily basis. Ahem. I guess we get along, but ties are strained, which is sad, because I care for this person a great deal and hope we can be friends. After he moves out, hopefully. One big happy Melrose Place family.

The neighbor below me likes to play loud Oldies music on the weekend, whooping it up loudly going "WOOOO!! YEAH!!!" and spent about a month randomly blowing an airhorn, regardless of time or date or whatever. 2 pm? AIRHORN! 2 am? AIRHORN! 5:34 am when you're trying to wake up? AIRHORN! You're awake now! I think it ran out of air. I heard her try to blow it one day and it kind of wheezed out, and she just went "Awww...no!" She was disappointed. She's otherwise very sweet and nice. Sometimes, she keeps a dog, though that's against the rules. But only sometimes. No one knows where the dog goes the other times.

Her next-door neighbor has a pet snake he takes for walks in the courtyard, and he also own a shiny gun, which he has brought with him when investigating the courtyard for peeping toms and prowlers, which have hit our complex a few times in the past few months. You know its bad when you have the cops on your speed-dial; you know its WORSE when they have you on THEIRS. I got a call two weeks ago from a detective that scared the crap out of me:

"Miss K____ we just wanted to let you know we have detained the peeping tom that we caught peering into your windows Saturday night."
"The who what now?"
"The peeping tom. We caught him prowling around your apartment complex, he was looking into your windows. Was your apartment broken into recently?"
"Umm...no?! I would have called you if it was...and he was looking into my windows Saturday night? Oh my God!" (at this point I was seriously freaked out.)
"Yes ma'am, that's right. You're...apartment F?"
"Yes...how was he looking into my windows, though? I'm well high up and you can't look into them without maybe being on a very tall ladder. Sure you got the right apartment?"
After some back and forth it was determined it was NOT my apartment, it was another apartment F in the area, and I had an unecessary heart attack freaking out that someone was looking into my windows. Because you totally could, I don't have curtains, but the architecture of the building prevents most angles from being viewable.

Finally...the drone of the helicopters has stopped. So can you see why I only watch one hour of TV a day? Outside my windows, there's so much intrigue.