Dispatches from Somewhere in the Middle of Paris

I think I'm in love with this city. Its so cliche to say something like that when one visits a beautiful place, but I'll be dead honest - it's not always so terribly beautiful. It's the dead of winter here...the high yesterday was 42 degrees and it was windy. The latitude of France is such that it gets a very low sunlight, and at that it doesn't rise until around 9 am. But to enjoy only the superficial or the stereotypical is not really to enjoy the entire picture. It's a different way of life, I guess...it's not one that's more gentile, or intelligent, than my life in LA. But it is one that for whatever aesthetic, sensual and tactile reasons, is more appealing to me.

I'll put it this way. On the metro, I saw an ad for a beer they sell out here that is marketed as a Mexican type of cerveca. It had pictures of limes, tequila bottles, and sombreros. It looked a lot like an ad for tequila or Modelo in the states. And I just realized...dang, I really don't like that aesthetic. It's just not something I miss...the SoCal focus on partying it up, with its roots in beer and limes and...I don't know how to explain it. I guess I am not looking forward to returning to a place with dirty open lots, dry deserty road shoulders, and billboards every five feet along 8 lane highways. I like the closeness of Paris, the fact that walking is easier than driving, and taking the metro is obligatory rather than a painful and cumberson necessity for people who can't take a car every day. I don't think I'd want to live forever in Paris (though if someone forced me to I could probably be convinced) but being here made me realize I don't want to be forever in LA. Maybe not even much longer at all. I left NJ because I was tired of the scenery, and now I'm just really grossed out (for lack of a better term) by the garishness and aridity of LA. I don't know where to go, or even when I'd ever go there...I'm tied to LA now by a job and a life and a wonderful circle of friends I love dearly.

I look forward to 2006 being the year I find myself, where I belong and can call home. I think I've been wandering, running away, and hiding...even if I've just been staying in once place for a while. But there is an antsy feeling...a tickle in the throat of my consciousness that is saying "Move over a little...what is that over there?" This is a good place to start my new year. It is opening my eyes. When I feel like I'm unhappy where I am, seeing somewhere new is the balm that soothes that sometimes painful abrasion. My brother just picked up and moved to France (after a year of working to procure a job and the legal requirements to work here) but he shows me daily that we are never held captive by our surroundings unless we build the bars ourselves.

So...will this caged bird fly? It remains to be seen. Time to visit the Musée d'Orsay and then do some shopping.