Misadventures in Hair Dye; Or, How Not to Improve on What God Gave Ya

The box said "Warm Auburn Brown". The girl on the box had rich, chocolately hair with just the faintest hint of rich mahogany. She smiled coyly with her white teeth, the words on their pillows behind her lips, on the breath of a whisper: "Inside this box is the hair you are looking for." So, overcome by the promise of Feria, I took it home.

And this is what happened.

It's not warm auburn brown. It's red. It's richly, darkly, magenta-y red. It's not terrible, but it's not what I went into Sav-On for.

You might look at it and think, it's not bad. It is rather flattering, actually. With Suzanne's greenish eyes and pale skin, a dark red may be the change of pace that might be good.

This might be the dawn of a new day...a day filled with fiery ponytails, flashes of scarlett in the day's waning sunlight, a follicle of hair blending into the flicker of rays on the morning cloud cover. But look closer. Something isn't quite right.


Instructions said to use just enough hair color to saturate all strands. I used the entire bottle, and I thought that was saturated enough.

Apparently, not.

Though hard to tell with the $15.00 webcam I have plugged into my computer, my Feria experience isn't a total one. Somehow, I missed entire swaths of hair. I don't have the longest hair (though I do have some of the thickest hair my stylist says he's ever seen) but to miss such conspicuous areas of hair is just unimaginable. If it were closer to my original haircolor at all (a medium-density brown) it would be alright. But even THAT color had unevenness to it - dark strips in the front, memories of the time I had white-blonde hair with peroxide streaks; light dashes of lingering highlights. Now that I've gone and tossed a whole bottle of deep red into the mix, my hair is approaching subdued rainbow territory.

Part of me just says "Ah, to heck with it. Let it be." There is certain kick-assery in just saying "I meant it to be like that!" Or, at least acting like I don't care. Put a big smile on my face, and dare anyone to point out that right over my ear, on the left side, I kind of...missed. Well, so what? So I missed a spot. Did you know that world hunger hasn't been solved yet? That wars are raging all over the world that are killing hundreds every day? Or that someone right now is being paid to bash Christianity and convince others to turn away? Didja? Kinda makes my little brown spot seem a little insignificant. Now go make yourself some coffee and let's talk of important things.

But, the part of me I know I'll give into is the part that will go back to Sav-On tomorrow, get yet another box of the Warm Auburn Brown Feria, and attempt to patch up what wasn't done right the first time. I'll probably just end up making it worse, but at least I can say "I tried" before I bring my thick mane crawling back to my stylist, who will smile and flatter and fix what I tried to do myeslf.

Though I do admit I like what accidentally occured, the color I mean. If I could just even it out, I'll be pleased. And red all over.