So, Here's the Story of My Day Today

Today I woke up and ate half of an entire package of bacon for breakfast. I said "Screw the fast, I want meat." I also shredded about half a large brick of whole-milk mozzarella cheese all over it and made sure to top it all off with about 7 fried eggs. I washed it all down with 2 liters of Diet Coke for good measure; I'm watching my waistline after all.

After breakfast I took a shower but didn't use any soap. I only had a sliver of Dove left and I was too lazy to open another box, so I just stood under the hot water for a while. I also didn't have any shampoo left, but I had a ton of conditioner, so I just used that. My hair is a bit pasty, but very shiny.

I put on some face lotion and decided I would pluck a few stray eyebrows, and ended up shaping these super-defined arches that make me look like a 1930's black-and-white movie actress. I tried curling my hair, but it was so weighed down with the conditioner, it just hung limply. So I put it into a bun.

I was hungry again so I ate the other half of the bacon on some toast. The toast was whole-wheat. I made the toast by basically just frying the bread in the leftover bacon grease. It was really, really good. I'd be worried about heart attacks but I don't usually eat like this. Its just...being pregnant really makes you crave weird food, you know? Like I have another friend who is currently expecting and I swear, she goes through seven jars of those bread-and-butter pickle chips a day. It's all she eats. That and vats of soy milk. Sometimes at the same time.

I was out of bacon and I knew I would need more for later; every morning I wake up craving it and the soy bacon just isn't cutting it anymore. I also needed some light bulbs, a pack of AA batteries, a tire iron, some Sharpie markers, a box of Cheeze-Its, and one pair of men's sandals in a size 12. I walked to Rite-Aide, which amazingly carries all these things. I got my stuff and headed home.

It was now about 11:30 and I had to get ready because I had a big date to get to. Thaddeaus and I are picking out our wedding cake. I just met Thaddy maybe like, a few weeks ago, but you know what? It's really something. I'm head over heels. His parents don't really approve of me, but what can I do...just because I spend my weekends boycotting stores that sell deli meats doesn't make me a bad person (nitrates are killing our elderly by driving up blood pressure! Someone has to stop these people!) I guess parents just don't understand, like that Will Smith guy said.

So anyway me and Thaddeaus met up today around noon-ish. We got some coffee, and then met Kathie at the bakery; she's making our wedding cake. I really want a chocolate cake with pink fondant icing, but Thaddy wants vanilla cake with chocolate fudge frosting. I actually hate cake, so I really could care less, but this wedding is all about me and if I want pink fondant I should get pink fondant!!! And that's basically my thoughts on how that goes. After a little argument, we settled on a two-tiered cake...the bottom half (the bigger half) will be my style and the top will be his style, though the chocolate fudge will have pink fondant roses all over it. We tasted a few cakes while we were there, and wow...it really was good. I got hungry though because I don't metabolize sugar well and it makes me hungry for savory food, so we got Mexcian at La Blanca Tabla.

After lunch, Thaddy had to get home because his mom needed to do laundry, or something, and he had his clothes in the dryer. I kind of get on Thad for still living with his mom, but I refuse to live with him before we get married. Besides, I'm afraid Thad will find out that this isn't even his kid. He kind of already knows its not, but its just one of those...don't ask, don't tell kind of things. I guess in 6 months when the baby comes out, he'll realize why I keep calling my fetus "Lil D-Twan".

So now we got our cake. It was about 3 pm and I was really tired, so I basically just woke up from a nap not long ago. I'm hungry again. My kitchen still smells like bacon, but its making me nauseous to smell it. Maybe I should wash the dishes. Nah...they can sit in the sink. I love living alone.

Anyway, tonight, I'm supposed to meet up with the girls and go to the shooting range. I don't tell many people about how much I like target shooting, but it's fun and a practical hobby, too. Maybe later we'll go check out "V for Vendetta". That Natalie Portman is a hot chick. So that's my day...pretty good so far! I'm really glad no one has tried to pull any April Fool's jokes on me, because seriously, those things piss me off so bad. People who still participate in doing silly stuff on April Fool's are just immature!

Well, that's it for now! Time to gear up for the range!