Some things are just wrong.
Pickles are sacred. They are meant to be salty, sour, vinegary and sometimes spicy. Nearly any food can be pickled. The appropriate pickle color ranges from green to yellowish-green, unless the food being pickled was a different color to begin with (see: cherry peppers, giardinera, etc). The only acceptable exception are pickled beets, which are delicious and turn everything they touch a lovely shade of aubergine.
So when Dan showed me this today, I almost had a heart attack. This, my friends, is sacrelidge.
This? Is a Kool-Aid pickle. The New York Times has an article all about them. Instead of brining in the traditional salty/sour/vinegar mixture we so know and love, people are drowning perfectly good dill cucumbers in vats of KOOL-AID and giving them to CHILDREN. Because if there's one thing kids need, its MORE SUGAR.
Pickles, in the traditional sense, are a healthy and satisfying snack. Vinegar is an excellent appetite suppresant, and stimulates the digestive system. Cucumbers are a low-calorie and fiber-full part of a balanced vegetable diet. They accompany sandwiches and soups like nobody's business. Part of the pleasure of a picnic lunch is a soft sandwich, some iced tea, and a crisp, tart, sour pickle. Am I wrong on this?
No. I am not wrong. KOOL-AID PICKLES ARE WRONG.
First, they came for the Twinkies with the deep-frier, and I said nothing, because I don't eat Twinkies.
Then, they came for the pickles with the deep-frier, and I said nothing, because I was confused as to why someone would want to deep fry a pickle. Seems to defeat the purpose but whatever, America likes to fry stuff, go for it.
But this has gone TOO FAR. Here's a quote that perfectly summarizes the absolute horror that this instills in me: "The school sells Kool-Aid pickles from the popular red flavor family at its fund-raisers."
Say, NY Times, can you tell me what flavor that pickle is again? Oh that's right. It's RED flavor.
Red isn't a flavor, people. Red is a color. Colors do not have flavors. Pickles are not meant to be part of the "red flavor family". Pickles are PICKLE flavor.
Good sweet gherkins, it really is the apocalypse.
So when Dan showed me this today, I almost had a heart attack. This, my friends, is sacrelidge.
This? Is a Kool-Aid pickle. The New York Times has an article all about them. Instead of brining in the traditional salty/sour/vinegar mixture we so know and love, people are drowning perfectly good dill cucumbers in vats of KOOL-AID and giving them to CHILDREN. Because if there's one thing kids need, its MORE SUGAR.
Pickles, in the traditional sense, are a healthy and satisfying snack. Vinegar is an excellent appetite suppresant, and stimulates the digestive system. Cucumbers are a low-calorie and fiber-full part of a balanced vegetable diet. They accompany sandwiches and soups like nobody's business. Part of the pleasure of a picnic lunch is a soft sandwich, some iced tea, and a crisp, tart, sour pickle. Am I wrong on this?
No. I am not wrong. KOOL-AID PICKLES ARE WRONG.
First, they came for the Twinkies with the deep-frier, and I said nothing, because I don't eat Twinkies.
Then, they came for the pickles with the deep-frier, and I said nothing, because I was confused as to why someone would want to deep fry a pickle. Seems to defeat the purpose but whatever, America likes to fry stuff, go for it.
But this has gone TOO FAR. Here's a quote that perfectly summarizes the absolute horror that this instills in me: "The school sells Kool-Aid pickles from the popular red flavor family at its fund-raisers."
Say, NY Times, can you tell me what flavor that pickle is again? Oh that's right. It's RED flavor.
Red isn't a flavor, people. Red is a color. Colors do not have flavors. Pickles are not meant to be part of the "red flavor family". Pickles are PICKLE flavor.
Good sweet gherkins, it really is the apocalypse.
posted by The Semi-Pro Chef at Wednesday, May 09, 2007
3 Comments:
My god, it's an abomination... The cloned sheep made more sense to me than this.
Sometimes, my culture really really disappoints me.
Hey, in my state, we deep fry candy bars, and especially cheese.
Yes, deep fried cheese.
And damn, is it yummy.
I'm not a pickle lover, but even I think that is so wrong.
Post a Comment
<< Home